[HOUSE AND HOLMES] Sink, Sank, Sunk

Rob Loos, Ledger Columnist

Whatever the etymology, I know there is no upbeat meaning for the word “sink.” People sink in quicksand … Leo and Kate sink while Celine sings about the Titanic … stock prices sink when the President tweets in the middle of the night. But until last week I thought our kitchen sink was an old pal who helped me wash a thousand plates.

Our kitchen sink looked so harmless—one of those stainless steel models with two sides that’s been dropped into the countertop. I had never harbored a bad thought about my kitchen sink until it sunk me.

It was ten o’clock at night when I noticed that both sinks were cascading dirty liquid over the countertop, down the cabinets, and onto the tiles. The dishwasher was overflowing too.

Without hesitation, I speed-dialed my super-contractor friend Dave, who was at his beach club staring at the moonlight on the waves with his girlfriend.

“This had better be good,” he answered.

“It’s bad, really bad!”

Dave tried to assess the situation, “So your drain is clogged and it’s flooding your kitchen? What did you put down the disposal?”

I mentioned pasta, orange rinds, and eggshells.

“You clogged your drain. Remember that drainage release cap we put outside under the kitchen window?”

Honestly, I didn’t have a clue what he was talking about. Dave sent me outside our kitchen window and there was a small plastic cap about one and a half inches wide secured over the end of a pipe in the exterior wall.

“Release the holder, get out of the way, and it should drain. I’ll send one of my guys with a snake in the morning.”

I opened the cap and a strange concoction of dirty water and debris exploded onto the lawn. The kitchen sinks drained.

The next morning Dave’s guy arrived carrying what looked like a twenty-five foot metal garden hose coiled in a reel. He “snaked” the pipe to the street. The sinks drain perfectly now, but after a slimy cleanup, my bigger flotsam and jetsam is headed for the trashcan.

But no more sunk sink, which once again goes to prove, “If I can’t figure it out—and I know that I can’t—my friend Dave can.”

Leave a Reply